The Substance of Friendship

I think there is a substance that needs to be built for people to enjoy talking to each other. C.S. Lewis use to say that friendship required a "matrix of friendship" and I feel like I'm starting to recognize what he was talking about.

In mid-April, I went to a meeting of software developers organized via meetup.com. When I left, I connected with all of the people who had attended via LinkedIn. A few weeks afterwards, I messaged all of the attendees from that day via LinkedIn. In general the attendees didn't want to talk to me. I don't blame them. I'm not sure that I had much to say to them.

In February, I joined a couple of programming Discords. One was dead and the other did not gain my interest even though some people were talking in it. I left those programming Discords.

Talking about tech in the name of friendship is kind of strange. IT is a job and its application is scattered across space via fiber optic cables. Why would we setup tech discussions when we already have to worry about that at our jobs? How is talking about tech an example of substance? Can't anyone just login to the Internet and Google whatever tech topic they are interested in, rather than depending on a coordinated meeting? For example, if I want to learn about Golang, I can just start programming in Golang and lookup things on the Internet as I encounter barriers. There is no need to wait for, and go to, a tech meetup and talk there with the attendees about whatever programming obstacles I am encountering while learning Golang.

I have one friend who I occasionally talk to about tech, but we used to work together. When we worked together, we got to know each other across some points of drama and others of technical challenge. That background has provided a substance of friendship.

I joined a KPop Discord and I am at least motivated to talk to the people there. I dislike IT people by default because in this world, intelligence is seen as a weapon instead of something that places you into a high rank in the formation that is a nation. This is a part of the reason I didn't stick around in the tech Discords I mentioned above. But KPop is still a rebellion in the west. It thus provides a substance for conversation. I've enjoyed some of the exchanges I've had in the KPop Discord.

I have no interest in Twitch channel Discords. I've been in one in the past and don't want to go back to that experience. A Twitch channel Discord, to me, does not provide a backing substance for conversation. If anything, it takes away from the backing substance by diluting the weight of your sentences. This is not to say that I don't find Twitch to be an environment for conversation. I do. But I do not see channel Discords as an extension of the substance I've built inside of Twitch chat. I've built substance using bit donations, and also from the fact that I've played video games to show my honor.

People who are gregariously friendly without first waiting on the substance of friendship to provide a grounds for conversation, are annoying. You won't recognize this if you're a dullard or lonely, but if you perceive life to be a contest of perseverance, then conversation without a backing substance of friendship is not interesting.